Celebrate Me Home

What does it mean to come home? I mean really come Home. A journey to that liminal place can take a lifetime or two. From where I sit however, it really is only a breath away. Seated within the heart.

Tonight, is the end of a wild, dark 7 ½ year stretch of time that I have been without a special someone to greet me when I wake up and welcome me when I come home. Someone to curl up on the couch with. Someone to mutually take care of each other. Heart, my newly adopted cat, is arriving home tomorrow. I can hardly stand the wait of the next 17 hours!

Having a cat wasn’t on my agenda this soon, however. There are a few aspects to my current situation I am still working on improving before expanding my family, that incidentally already has two unplanned horses. (They are another story.) But very often, love and life come when you are least prepared for it. Can you remember a time when that happened to you?

Two weeks ago, I started playing Bus Driver to one mouse at a time, ferrying him/her back out to the forest every day. Clearly, a new entry way was recently made, and I still have no clue where it is. Sometimes the Mouse Bus would have two trips to the forest over the course of a day. On the third morning, I opened the front door to discover a gift of a dead mouse, complete and un-munched upon, laid out carefully for me as a gift. There are no pets in the vicinity among my neighbors. Who could have brought it to me? It was the first gift of its kind in the 2 ½ years I’ve been here. The timing was too perfect. So, when I saw that gift, I had the distinct message that yes, an indoor-only cat was a good idea. It is clearly time. “This decision has to be made for the next chapter to open”, the same message that rang through my ears when I adopted Maggie, my first horse. I promise you, I will write that story.

Only one place to go. When I arrived at the Humane Society they said there were just three cats up for adoption but in a couple weeks there would be many more. The poster child of the three was already adopted so I was prepared with the notion I would have to return another day to have a look. Of the two cats remaining, “Cal” gave me a look that was very distant and doubtful. She didn’t move a muscle, save for her eyes that followed me as I tried to engage with her through the plexiglass. At that point, I felt I’d have to come back. This might take a while to find My Cat.

The next morning in my half waking state, I remembered a vision of a cat that had half a black face and was a bit pudgy. It wouldn’t leave my thoughts. It stared at me in the vision and I felt a deep connection. Was this one of the two that I actually saw yesterday? Or did I make it up? Returning to the cats the second day, I got on the foot stool to peer in and there was the face of my vision! She wasn’t pudgy, but she was certainly the one! This time, she got up from her nest and stood on her toes, tail high and came to the glass. My heart fluttered. I walked a little to the right to see if she would jump down and follow me. Yes! So I took a little video of her and a photo, to remember her by. I said, “Did you visit me in my dreams last night?” And she brushed her body along the plexiglass at that moment. Oh my! I said “Okay! You had better get back to your nest and not get noticed by anyone else until I can fill in the adoption application!” I led her with my pointy finger back up to her nest and I told her I’d be back for sure. This was surreal. I must confess that Surreal visits me nearly every day of my life, but I never expect it or get used to it. Always, it surprises me. So, I found My Cat. (Or more accurately, I was called by My Cat to come get her.) Snap! – one of the last mice made its way into the Mouse Bus as I typed this. How perfect.

What to name her? “Cal” is short for calico. That’s not her name. Reading over her info, she was surrendered exactly one month before by her person who unfortunately was terminally ill. “Cal” was born 14 February 2014. Just 5 years old now. Because she was born that particular day, I am bound by my own path to name her Heart. It was also the day that I flew to Ireland to live 15 years ago. (Another series of stories.) As a matter of daily life, I find hearts literally everywhere, seemingly all day, every day. It has been that way for at least 5 years. Heart rocks. Heart clouds. Heart food. Hearts. Hearts. Hearts.

And tomorrow, I will bring my Heart home.

Sweet Potato

Some things do receive closure we can recognize.

19 years ago I unknowingly wrote down a prophetic dream I had about being handed a white banana snake. In the dream, I was assured it wouldn’t hurt me. But it bit me repeatedly and its fangs clung to and stung my skin. My shock was about the blatant lie I was told, and apathy I received, more than the effect the snake had on my skin. I found the recounted dream 3 years ago in a file of my old writing. I was stunned to realize that that relationship had just ended 9 months earlier…

The other night I roasted some root vegetables for a gathering to acknowledge the closure of the old life and welcome the new Light energy for healing the Earth. This evening, in reviewing a picture I took of the roots, I recognized the “white banana snake” in the sliced sweet potato… How perfect.

I ate it for breakfast this morning.

Walking to Forgiveness

Dominant culture thinking by the top 1% creates their belief that they have authority to take sovereign indigenous land from First Peoples, and cause genocide/assimilation into their own enslavement/poverty at best. This is how the petroleum industry has entered into our society’s general groggy, habitual way of life. The top 1% encourage us to sleep, and feed upon our numbness and malaise that is fostered by the general media. The media that is easy to access without thinking about it. Think about it. Think. Get woke. Let all thoughts be “cleared” before you act, speak and before you judge.

Being of white decent, I have to ask myself often, how am I acting? Where is my choice taking me and my fellow Earthlings, two-legged, four-legged, winged, finned, hoofed, and belly-bound travelers?

I don’t have ancestral permission to be on Turtle Island. My lineage did not ask for permission to “take cuts” and take over. So, right now, right here, I ask for grace and forgiveness from the Earth for me and my ancestors who added suffering to those First Nations where I have lived and traveled on Earth. And, as I become more woke as possible, I continue to show my consciousness through my eyes, my actions, my art, my dance, my writing, my music, my breath, my attention and my dreaming. I hope that this is how I clean up my own part in the lineage and my own forward movement.

Who would be the ultimate sovereign One I can go to, who has authority to forgive the history? At this point, because I don’t participate in further genocide here where I live, I ask for the soil and the water to go to those who can give me release and rest. Please come back to me and tell me I am forgiven and all my relations. I don’t have the answers. I’m only able to use my self determination to speak about what I feel is right for me. 

Spirit Bird Intuitive Arts works to be an agent for waking those who are calling for support to that opening.

Freedom.

I entered into Hell, partially aware, then miraculously came out the other side knowing what is in my heart and knowing my strength. It was a test, and opportunity to realize just how strong I can be. That relationship journey, through Persephone’s Lair, proves that the spark of life is tenacious and openings come to lift us up and out into the light of day.

My heart remains open and therefore I am free. I didn’t die, I came alive – more alive than I ever imagined I could. My life is my own, not to be subservient, but to make of it what I will. Nothing else is more important because it all begins here. Right here. Authenticity. Presence.

This holiday season moves through virtually unnoticed by me. I’m too preoccupied by the gift that, in retrospect, I was giving myself over the past three years: my own heart’s freedom to Be.

In my opinion, this is the core of all positive change, one person, one heart at a time, however life brings it on. And so I send out a perpetual prayer and blessing for everyone to know their own heart intimately, truly. However you get there, it’s worth every step.

From where I stand, I see it is the true source of our collective change on Earth, for the best future we could hope for.

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